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March 29th, 2019

Starting Over.

When it comes to time management, I can definitely say that I'm not even qualified to say that I do a decent job at it. I am really terrible at it.

I have a bad habit of checking everything on my phone, on the tv, my laptop, everything. Having that dopamine craze of social media. However, it has crawled up more into my life than just social media. I have quit those sites a long time ago: Facebook, Path, Instagram... I kept Youtube as a platform to watch content or my radio, Discord as communication with the communities that I like, such as StepMania, In the Groove, Pump it Up, Splatoon and Megaman.

But, over the past 3 to 4 years, I've started to notice how much more time I started to spend on these apps. Procrastinating more that I ever did before. It led me to fall on my grades slightly in high school, however, it did not prevent me from graduating as the 2nd best student of its generation.

However, it's been a year since that passed. I'm now at university, almost close to my 1st full year in it. I've tried to interact more with people, got some new friends, learned some history about this place, and it has gone fine. But then, that addiction to the content, it strikes back, harder than before. I started doing everything last minute, because I wanted to stay focused on the latest development from the UKSRT discord or theme update on Zenius-i-Vanisher. This led me to fail 2 of my 6 classes on my first semester.

It was the very first time that I had failed on school. It hit me hard. It made my life miserable, even more by my dad. But I can't really blame him, although he's a douche when it comes to jokes; he always brought up the main point I was failing: I am too focused on this. I have tried to get academical help, but, as some of you may now, I am incredibly shy; and my attempts of getting help ended up being me just shaking. If it wasn't for my mom, I wouldn't have gotten at that help.

There's maybe some reader that can relate to this that I am writing, he's helping me with the development of MoonDance. If you're reading the last bit, I am sorry I didn't ask for your help sooner before I told you when it was too late. I was really deep into this insight of fear.

Thankfully, it was the first semester, so those classes that I failed would not affect me much. However, as the 2008 Student Status mentions:
(Quote from Artículo 40. Son causas de baja definitiva)

  • Reprobar dos o más experiencias educativas en examen extraordinario en segunda inscripción en el período escolar;
  • Reprobar un examen de última oportunidad en los niveles que aplique

I was now in deep water. If I fail 2 or more classes on this semester, I will be kicked out of the school indefinitely, and this thankfully resets each semester. But what does not reset are the UO's. These are "Last Chances". When someone retakes a class, if they fail it again, they will go into this phase. If they fail that, that will also kick them out of the school.

Now with this into me, I knew that I had to change, or else I would fall into the ground, and lose my opportunity to be successful. I know that some people will say: "But you can still have great opportunities even without university/college!", and to that I say that you're correct, if I was in the United States. You see, in Mexico, if you don't really have any kind of academic recognition, you're pretty much screwed. So, this is pretty much all or nothing.

I've decided to attempt several methods starting today morning, to help with this inconvenience of constant fear and distraction.

1 - I decided to try minimalism.

I have a lot of stuff in my room alone, that really keeps me distracted, since most of it are antique computers/gadgets/add-ons and all sorts of stuff. So I decided to clean the entire room to help myself into this. I ended up filling 3 baskets of pure electronics. I may end up selling them, so I can get some money that can help me in the future. I've also done digital minimalism with all of my current devices to only stay current with school stuff.

It has definitely helped me to think about what I've done and should do with my life, as well as the idea I always had to stop buying tech stuff so quickly. I already have what I need.

2 - I started to consider deleting social media.

Although this may be simple, there are a few problems with it, mainly due to me being protective when it comes to logging in. Most of my accounts have Two-Factor Authentication, so they rely on a separate app to login. However, on apps like Discord, that also have it; I've lost the app that had the codes in. It was pretty much on Google's code generator app that does not save anything, so if you just happen to uninstall it, you're pretty much out of luck with the 2 Factor code for that account, so I can't really delete my account from there.

As with my hotmail, I may certainly do it tomorrow. It will delete pretty much all of my achievements, and game records and purchases, but it pretty much also incites me into those things again.

As for my Google account, well... I want to remove it, but that's also where most of my audience has found me. I know I shouldn't focus a lot on that because most of them already know where to find me, through this website. It's like that phrase, give or take.

3 - Actually go outside.

I can call myself someone who always stays home. I refuse to go out most of the time; again, for the same reasons as I've explained in the beginning of this post. However, I'll try to break this, by actually going outside, doing walks, exercise, talk, whatever. And while I'm at it, actually go to family events.

I've skipped so many crucial events because I've kept myself inside this place a lot just to program stuff for my SM5 themes. I've missed a few memorials, birthday parties, marriages, etc.

Hopefully, I with these steps, I can finally be able to focus on what I need to do, and just, get out of this hellhole. It has hurt me a lot, and I just want to leave. Sure, it has helped me a lot with my work, knowledge and expertise with so many programs, languages and algorithms, but it has kept me away from what I have to actually focus on.

If you're still reading this, I say thank you for actually spending your time on it. If you would like to contact me, you can still do on my personal email that is on my contact page.

Thanks for everything. I'll see you soon.

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